Mercer's Final Days on Earth

As difficult it was to part with Mercer, we are comforted by the memories of his final days with us. We were touched by all our family and friends who came to meet and hold Mercer... and to be with us. The visits often started with tears but ended with familiar laughter as Mercer's spirit and personality shone on everyone. During his final days, he was held in arms virtually every minute. He responded with contented sleep and peaceful wakeful moments. The days seemed to go on forever... and yet, only last for a second.

We had asked the nurses to trade his crib for a full-sized hospital bed thus allowing us an opportunity to crawl in bed and snuggle with him. Ashton, in particular, thought this was a real treat and never hesitated to climb up into it. Emmett also enjoyed snuggling in Mercer's bed immensely. In fact, always took longer, more solid naps with Mercer than he had at home in his own crib. The larger bed also allowed us to spend nighttime visits with Mercer, which was often his more restless times. On his last nights, both mom and dad remained at the hospital to be with him as much as possible.

On the evening before his passing, Mercer left both of his brothers a small gift to help them remember him as the years go by. Both boys received carved wooden treasure boxes with a few mementos inside. Ashton's treasure box featured a Tree of Life carved into the lid... inside a few photographs showing Ashton's love and compassion for his brother. The box also included a piece of petrified wood, pennies commemorating each of the boys' birth years, a small magic wand, an angel medallion and lots of room for future treasures yet to be added to the box. Ashon made a wish with the magic wand to make Mercer's "owies" feel better. Emmett's treasure box was filled with similar goodies and features a symbolic pair of twin fishes spooning together carved into its lid.

Although Ashton didn't realize that he was saying goodbye to his brother for the last time, he told Mercer that he was sad that he would not be coming home to live with us as we'd always looked forward to. Ashton comforted Mercer by telling him that it was OK because he was going to live with the angels instead. Ashton has already devised in his mind, an elaborately planned rocket car he intends to build to take the family, nurses, and the whole world up to the clouds to visit Mercer.

Mercer began his final day being held by several nurses with whom we had become close. One of the gifts from the hospital included a picture frame with one side for a photograph, and the other side contained molding clay in which we made one final imprint of his hand and feet.

After the cool spring morning, the sun broke through the clouds and we all knew that a trip outdoors was a fitting way to mark this special the day. (realize that during his hospitalization, Mercer was never able to enjoy even a single trip outdoors) Deacon Denny, who had baptized Mercer, came in on his day off to visit us at the hospital and to accompany us outside. The journey was made possible with the help of our dear friend Saakriti, Mercer's favorite respiratory therapist. We first ventured to the patio outside the ICU. Mercer was wrapped in the purple blanket which our friend Patti helped make for him. The air outside was still cool and crisp. Various spring trees and flowers were budding and blooming in the urban-esque landscape. Distant car alarm sounds, airplane noises, and a cawing crow were all part of Mercer's first outdoor experience. Denny said a beautiful prayer with us and helped us pause and be thankful for Mercer's time with us. Although we would have loved to whisk Mercer away, we knew that we had to return indoors. At Saakriti's suggestion we continued to walk within the hospital. We braved a trip down the elevator and literally out the hospital's front door. Now we can say Mercer did indeed leave the hospital, even though it was only a brief moment. Having never held Mercer without be attached to a ventilator machine or with an IV pole nearby, we found today's excursion very liberating.

Although we are not known for our devotion to rituals, we did feel it important to give Mercer a bath on his last day with us. Mercer was very relaxed in the warm water and we all enjoyed the scent of his lavender scented soap. We symbolically dressed him in the same white bunny-footed outfit that both Ashton and Emmett wore home from the hospital. Afterwards, Emmett and Mercer briefly cuddled together in bed but we longed for more time alone with Mercer. There had never been a shortage of helpful arms, willing to hold Emmett during our visits. Once again we took advantage of this to spend some quiet time talking with Mercer.

Throughout this time we were never really alone but quietly accompanied by several of our closest hospital family members: Meg, Cassandra, Sharon and Mona. We held Mercer and Emmett together, allowing them their own time together as well. As Mercer drifted into sleep, we believed it had been our last moment to look into his dear eyes. However, upon placing Emmett and Mercer together again, Mercer opened his eyes and turned his head toward Emmett, a moving moment we will never forget.

Mercer took his final breaths shortly after sunset as only Mercer himself seemed to have planned.